


The devil's in the details, but you got a friend in me

by winestainedress



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Based on a Taylor Swift Song, Domestic, Domestic Lee Taeyong/Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung, Established Lee Taeyong/Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Idol Lee Taeyong, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Insecure Lee Taeyong, It's just deep, It's not even that sad, M/M, Mentioned Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten, Mentioned Suh Youngho | Johnny, Romantic Angst, Romantic Fluff, Secret Relationship, Soloist Lee Taeyong, Song: peace (Taylor Swift), Soulmates, mention of suicidal thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:13:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26190964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/winestainedress/pseuds/winestainedress
Summary: When Taeyong's world falls apart right before his eyes he realizes that staying with him means that clouds will always hang around them. And he wonders if what he has to offer will be enough to make Doyoung stay, even if he will never be able to give him peace.
Relationships: Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Lee Taeyong
Comments: 2
Kudos: 66





	The devil's in the details, but you got a friend in me

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back with a new story, yay. This one was inspired by Taylor's song [peace](https://youtu.be/HpxX4ZE4KWE), not too angsty but there are references to the incredibly hateful situation she had to go through in 2016, and Taeyong's going through the same, so it's a ride.  
> Time is different from reality since he's not nct!taeyong but a soloist, and in this, he debuted before in 2013. 
> 
> [Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6fNNC7aKbz82QUo03lq5dC?si=Rv0XYsz9Sr2X4ztRRV-8YQ)
> 
> Hope you'll enjoy this, and I'm sorry for any possible mistakes.

Taeyong knew it, he knew everything since he was young and naive, too busy dreaming of filled stadiums and tears marked faces screaming his name. Taeyong always knew how fucked up the music industry was, how unfair, how fake and cynical it was. But Taeyong had always been a dreamer, a believer, and after all, he still was, even now. A grin made its way on his beautiful face, as he wiped a lonely tear on his rosy cheek away. Yes, he still believed in a miracle, he really hoped that the art he had been gifting to the world for all these years was enough for people to not stop supporting him. He really wished that all of his countless sleepless nights awake writing songs on his kitchen counter while his other half was sleeping in their bedroom were worth something. He wanted to think that the immense love he had been giving to his fans travelling around the world to perform with just four hours of sleep was appreciated. But deep down he knew that now everything was gone. His world crumbled apart into million pieces, and his love, his passion, his dedication, his art, weren’t enough to save it. He sighed, letting his head fall on the back of the chair in his home studio, he wanted to cry, scream maybe, destroy everything that was in that room, but he decided that it simply wasn’t worth it. Or simply that small sparkle of hope that was still burning inside of him stopped him from doing so. Except he knew what was about to come. “Tomorrow at 8, be careful nobody sees you entering the company, they’re not happy. We have to talk about the contract.” The manager's words were direct, strict and cold even through a text message. Lee Taeyong, the record-breaking artist from South Korea, with his incredible all-round personality full of charms and talents, was over, and there was nothing he could do to change that. When people fall out of love with you, there’s nothing you can do to change their mind. They simply don’t love you anymore. 

✯✯✯

It wasn’t the first time Taeyong had to go through something like that. He had always been extremely controversial during his seven years career, whether it was for something he had seriously done or some crazy fake rumour spread around. People are fast at judging others without looking at the mirror even once, and he had experienced that on his skin more than once. He had to say sorry for things he had never done. He had to stay silent in front of the tremendous words people would throw at him, his agents never taking his side, even when they knew the truth, and some of his fans turning around on their backs. 

Was he still famous? Did he still break records? Skyrocketed on the charts at every comeback? Yes, definitely. Probably somebody could say that after all these years he still had the world in the palm of his hands, but, honestly, he felt like he had nobody he could count on. All the people who used him just for clout, just to talk shit about him once they arrived where they wanted. All of the people who liked to call themselves tyongfs but never stayed when he needed them the most. His real friends all left the country, for different reasons, and the ones in the industry he felt to call like that, could be counted on one single hand. So when he met Doyoung and the other wasn’t totally disgusted by him or tried to work his way to the top, Taeyong was seriously surprised. A bittersweet forced laugh escaped from his lips as he put his coat on, and tried to take deep breaths in the mirror, trying to prepare himself to see the end of his career. He had been through so much shit since he was barely eighteen, but nothing ever hurt him more than seeing his dream disappear from his hands simply because he loved somebody, the only one who ever stood by his side. Nothing could ever come close to the pain that he was feeling at the moment, thinking that he had to choose between the people he loved the most, Doyoung and tyongfs. A choice that he never wanted to make, because his love and his heart were enough for them both. A choice that he wasn’t making, because apparently his fans, Korean netizens, and his agency decided that it wasn’t right, that something was twisted in him, and they simply couldn’t support somebody like him anymore. Taeyong had stopped being the perfect straight boy next door, and somebody decided for him that it was time to take him and throw him in the trash. And Taeyong had come close to that many times, but never like this, never he had seen such harsh words addressed at him, never he had felt so much hate and disgust. He knew that now, they were deleting him, acting as if he never existed. 

✯✯✯

Doyoung had no idea what to do. It had been a week now since their kissing photo got spread around, one week since the internet exploded, seven days since he had to thank God he worked in his own place or else he would’ve been fired too. It had been five days since Taeyong’s company kicked him out, giving him no chance to fight for his art and his job, it had been five days since Taeyong got home and wandered around like a ghost, his favourite blanket over his head, his feet lazily dragging themselves on the cold floor, and drinking cups over cups of coffee in front of their big window which faced the whole city. 

“Sitting there all day won’t change things.” The younger said, slowly making his way behind his boyfriend. He had kept quiet the whole week, not wanting to make him feel worse, and also because he didn’t want to let out his real emotions. Doyoung felt incredibly guilty. As soon as the news came out he already knew the ending, and all he could think was that maybe if they had been more careful, or simply if they had never met, if they had never fallen in love and started dating, maybe this wouldn’t have happened. And he felt that it was his fault because he was the one who couldn’t let Taeyong go, the one who had to persist and convince him that he deserved love, and he would’ve stayed with him till the end, no matter his reputation or the things Taeyong couldn’t give him. 

Doyoung sighed when his boyfriend didn’t answer, he sat next to him on the large windowsill, his body facing Taeyong’s even though the other was turned toward Seoul at their feet. 

Taeyong let out a barely audible huff, placed the hot cup in the cavity the blanket formed between his legs, and then turned around to face the older. His head was still resting on the wall at his side, and for a while, they simply stared at each other without saying a word. Somehow, that was enough. A silence that only two souls that knew each other that deeply could donate. An unspoken secret language they had taught each other through the years. They were like that, they never needed to say much out loud, it was a particular type of chemistry that flooded between them. 

“I’m sorry,” Taeyong mumbled, breaking the eyes contact, too fearful and coward to look at him in the eyes. Doyoung furrowed his brow, his hand moving to grab his chin and lift his head up. 

“For what?” 

Taeyong sighed, he blinked repeatedly, trying to clear his eyes from the foggy views the tears he beforehand shed gave him. “For all the shit that I put you through, not only now, but since we know each other.” 

Doyoung bit his lower lip and then moved closer to his boyfriend, his hands cupped his pretty face, and a smile crept on his own as he stared at the boy in front of him. No matter how tired and broken he was, to him, he was still the most beautiful man on the hearth.

“Don’t say sorry,” he whispered, moving the wild strands of his hair who fell messily on his eyes. “I’ll do it all over again for you, Tae. I knew what was coming when I started dating you, and I choose to stay. I’ve always been by your side, knowing that dating you meant waking up with nobody on the other side of the bed for months, and trusting you while you were on the other side of the world. I’ve chosen to stay, knowing that dating you meant going on the internet and read terrible things about your persona that weren’t true. I stayed, in your worst times, when everybody decided to stab you from behind and leave you bleeding. No, I fell for you there, when you were in pieces. I could’ve escaped, walk away like anybody else, take the distances from you, even foment people against you. But I didn’t.” Taeyong was trying to hold back his tears for the nth time of the day, or better, of the week. They loved each other, he was sure about that, but their love language wasn’t a spoken one. For most people it also appeared odd, their close friends and family sometimes still couldn’t believe that they were dating for three years now. Their dynamics appeared strange to many eyes, or at least considered the few people who knew about them. But they worked, better than with anyone else. Still, with all the love they had for each other, hearing things like this wasn’t something Taeyong was used to. He knew that Doyoung wouldn’t hesitate a second to jump off a cliff if it meant saving him, but hearing what he felt out loud made his heart skip a beat and flip in his chest. 

“And you know why?” Doyoung asked as his thumb gently wiped away his rolling teardrops. “And you want to know why I would do it all over again?” His voice started to shake a little bit, Doyoung wasn’t an emotional type, not that he was distant, simply the occasion where he would let himself go in front of the others were rare. But now, with a completely shattered Taeyong standing in front of him, it was just impossible. He had seen Taeyong at his worst, when society wanted him dead, and decided to turn around for the first time, and honestly, he had thought that he would’ve never had to see that again. But he was so wrong because now Taeyong wasn’t even half as broken as he was back then, the oldest didn’t let out much in those days, but Doyoung could only imagine all the things that were running in his pretty little mind. And they weren’t positive. “Because you are a ravishing sweeping fire, the most enchanting one, you have no idea how many times I feared of getting burned by you, but I stayed anyway and learnt that your flames don’t do nothing but keep me warm and safe.” 

Doyoung stopped for a second, taking his time and giving his boyfriend the time to absorb what he was telling him. “Remember what you once told me, the day you texted me we were over because you were terrified your life couldn’t fit mine, and how you didn’t want to hurt me?” Taeyong nodded, he remembered that day clearly. They had been dating for five months at the time, the worst rumours about him had just started to slow down, so he felt a little bit safer to go around Seoul when he had a break. All it took to ruin his day and destroy the pieces he had tried so hard to put back together was a rude comment yelled at him “What’s next? It'll come out that you’re a faggot?” And as he froze at the harsh words, looked at the ground and kept walking, his first thought flew at Doyoung. He couldn’t do that, he couldn’t put him in that situation. He didn’t think twice when he told him that things were over between them as soon as he arrived home. But honestly, he wasn’t expecting Doyoung banging at his door, screaming that he couldn’t care less what people thought about him, or them, trying to make him understand that they would’ve got this kind of remarks anyway, trying to reassure him that as long as nobody knew they would’ve been fine. 

“Rain will always come if you’re standing with me,” Taeyong whispered, reminiscing the words he had told him through the tears that night. Doyoung nodded, softly smiling at him, and then kept talking. 

“We got drenched with rain, we’ve been in the middle of storms, and look at us.” He smiled, holding his arms out in the air to point at them. “Our love was enough to keep us warm. Your beautiful, sparkling, mesmerizing flame is more than enough to keep us alive, warm and safe.” Taeyong didn’t say a thing, his emotions were all over him, he simply couldn’t find the strength to say anything, not already at least. So he simply let himself crush against Doyoung’s welcoming body, his face sunk in the cavity of his neck as he let the sobs roll out free, they weren’t sad tears, more likely the result of pent up stress of the terrible week he had been trough and the fears for their future who simply seemed faithless and tenebrous.

They sat there for a while, the only sounds they could hear were their breathing and Taeyong muffled cries. The sun was sinking at the horizon, lighting Seoul’s skyscraper of golden, wishing the town a good night, even if the city wasn’t going to sleep at all. Maybe on another occasion, they would’ve cared about that. As Doyoung lazily scrolled through Instagram while the national news channel was playing in the background as he waited for Taeyong to come home after a long day of practice, and then together they would’ve chosen what take out to order, half of the time ending up with Doyoung having to do all by himself because Taeyong was too tired even to make a choice. Or maybe they would’ve hit up some of their closest friends and hang out with them, at their place, without having to worry about getting caught. Maybe in another situation, the radio was on, keeping Doyoung company as he cooked for them, while humming and jamming to the songs the radio was passing, and then he would’ve laughed at Taeyong flustered expression when one of his songs would play. But now, it was totally different. If they turned on the TV they would’ve seen themselves, pictures of their broken privacy splashed on the front page of every journal and gossip show. If Taeyong turned on his phone they would’ve heard the frustrating ringing of persistent notification, missed calls from his mom, and his friends, just wanting to make sure he was still alive. Calls that Doyoung had to take for him during the whole week. 

“You know what? We’re cooking together tonight, you definitely need to eat more than just coffee and cheap snacks and I need to distract your mind from all of this.” Doyoung broke the quite they were in, carefully moving Taeyong away from him to look at his eyes. He tried to suppress a sad smile as soon as he made contact with them, Taeyong’s usually big brown warm eyes were now swollen and red, deprived of their typical bright light. He just wanted him to be happy because Taeyong never deserved any of the hurt people had put him through all these years. And the more he looked at his boyfriend the more he questioned when everything would go back to normal, if it ever will. But Doyoung needed things to at least be good again, he needed his happy, goofy, bright, loud and passionate Taeyong back. Because he deserved to be happy. 

Taeyong just nodded, not like he had a choice anyway, but not that he minded. He felt the need to spend some time together with Doyoung, just them, in their home, acting like the world didn’t exist. It was just an illusion, but he couldn’t care. And he was also pretty used to pretend, in his world, everything was an illusion, it needed to be like this to survive. Or else, there wouldn’t have been any other way to stand all of those masquerade revellers and their fake smiles, and unnecessarily loud laugh to hide emptiness and sadness. And for a split second, Taeyong thought that maybe, taking a break from all of that wasn’t even that bad. 

✯✯✯

“Are you eating?” His mom’s voice ringing from the other side of the phone was muffled, her tone as worried as three weeks before when the mess first happened. Taeyong giggled and rolled his eyes in the back of his head, it was like the third time she had to make sure about that since she called. 

“Yes, mom, I’m good. Doyo is feeding me well.” And even though he couldn’t see it, he perceived the genuine smile creeping on his mom’s tired face. She was so glad his son had someone like Doyoung by his side, especially now that she couldn’t be physically near him. 

“Still can’t come by?” The woman tried to ask anyway. Taeyong shook his head and hummed in negation. 

“You know why.” Honestly, Taeyong would’ve never forgiven himself if something happened to his mother. She wanted to pass by their house since the news broke out, but Taeyong was fast at forbidding her from doing so. Three weeks now, and the situation was still out of control. He simply couldn’t leave the house, the building was surrounded by angry, so-called, fans. Sometimes they were just standing there, breaking the merch, but two times things got out of hand and some neighbour had to intervene. Not that things changed. It was disgusting and scary, to the point he was just expecting from some of them to break in and kill him while he was distracted. Also, Doyoung still had to go to work. Being the owner of his small business he could take a week off to stay with Taeyong and also made up his mind, but they needed his job. Yes, Taeyong’s money were still there, he made pretty much a fortune during his career, but they needed to stay grounded, to have something that somehow reminded them of their everyday reality. Plus, what was Taeyong going to do now? Find another agency? Start one of his own? Cry himself to sleep every night because at this point it felt much more than just music and he couldn’t handle it anymore? Now the latter seemed to be the only thing he could think of. So he just stayed home, waiting for Doyoung to call him every time he made it out and in the house safe. He spent the days with a lump in his throat because of the girls down the house and the terrible things he read on the internet. The only things distracting him, his mom and his friend’s calls. 

At least two minutes passed by in silent, just a light buzzing from the line could be heard, but Taeyong felt some sort of tranquillity in his mom’s breathing. He closed his eyes and imagined to be wrapped in her arms, his head on her chest, as it moved up and down, and her voice chanting a sweet song. Just like when he was a child, and everything was easier, and nobody had ever hurt him. 

“Yongie,” her mom called his attention. The boy hummed, loud enough that she could hear. “You know that I love you and I’m so proud of you and everything you’ve done in your life, right?” His mom had never been too happy about his choice in the career path. She knew he was talented, she never doubted his capability of filling stadiums and captivate people. She simply hated the industry, their brainwashing, the way they produced robots and not people with feelings. She was aware of what being a celebrity meant and she never wished that life for his son. But when someone you love has a dream, what do you do? Do you clip their wings or let them fly? She let him go, and never stopped, even for a second, to be proud of her little man. 

“I know,” Taeyong smiled, a sincere smile after lots of forced ones, “you’re always my number one fan, right?” 

“First and last, nobody might stand your annoying self anymore but I’m going to still be here.” She exclaimed, making his son laugh. But he knew it was true, even if everyone left, she was always going to be there. 

He talked with his mom some more, but when the phone call ended he fell back into the hole that was devouring him. He sighed, nervously running his fingers through his hair, pulling his bleached blonde locks.

He wanted to pick up the phone and call Johnny, have a chat with him up until Doyoung would've come home. Talking with his best friend would’ve definitely helped him to not think about his life. But they had already talked in the morning when Johnny called to make sure that he was okay and proposed him to spend some time with him and Ten in England. He didn’t want to bother him, but at the same time, he didn’t feel in the mood to talk with any other of his friends.

So, pretty much unconsciously, he did the only thing he shouldn’t have done. He grabbed his phone and went on twitter. Socials were toxic, he knew that. He should’ve already deleted everything and don’t think about it, but somehow he always ended up there. He desperately needed to know what people thought about him, if one, even just one, of his fans stayed. And for some sort of strange reason, he felt like he also needed to know all the bad things. To make sure that it was real, that people really hated him. Or maybe because, by now, that words already crept into his brain and he felt like he was unlovable and unworthy and deserved to read what they had been calling him lately. And his heart took it, up until he saw a tweet against Doyoung, about how they didn’t even know him but to date somebody like him they had to be twice as bad. Or another one saying that Doyoung wasn’t even attractive and at least Taeyong could’ve had better taste if he really wanted to be _like that_. The more he scrolled on his name the worst things got. People saying that they had been waiting for this for ages, some others saying that Taeyong should’ve already been cancelled years ago when his first scandals broke out, or how he had probably fucked his way to the top. Thousands of tweets saying that they always hated him for his attitude, and they couldn’t stand seeing him feeling himself so much, and all of that was a lesson that he was finally paying. Laughs and jokes on how probably the strong, intimidating Lee Taeyong was now crying like a little bitch.

And they were right, because he was sobbing uncontrollably, curled up on himself as he laid on the couch, the phone abandoned on the floor after he slipped from his sweaty hands. He wanted to scream, and he did. An agonizing loud scream resonated through the walls as he tried to push out of his brain the painful and dark thoughts that were drawing him. He couldn’t take it, he couldn’t sleep at night knowing that he was dragging Doyoung in this hell with him when he deserved much better. But what was he supposed to do? Taeyong had already tried to break up with him, fully aware that their lifestyles were just too different. And Doyoung had spent a whole night up just listening to his nagging and crying, as he desperately tried to convince him that no matter how hard it was going to get, he wanted exactly what they had. But now everything was different. Back then Taeyong had snapped because of one single homophobic comment, they weren’t out, nobody knew about them. Now, everything was different. And he just had to make sure that Doyoung was strong enough to get through that. Because Taeyong wasn’t so sure that all that he could offer was enough for him to stay. And he also wasn’t so sure that he, himself, could make it out alive. He just couldn’t take it anymore. And he felt so fragile as perfectly known old thought came to his mind. It wasn’t the first time other people words made him believe that he simply wasn’t worth living. He disrupted the lives of all the people he loved, he was a tornado, not the nice little flame Doyoung loved to describe him as. But he didn’t want to be like this anymore, to hurt the good and trust the evil, even if unconsciously. Maybe it was a sign, that life didn’t suit him anymore. He was tired, he just wanted a normal life. He wanted to wake up in the morning and go to work, just to go back home to Doyoung preparing dinner. He wanted to spend lazy Sundays on the couch wrapped in Doyoung’s arms. He wanted to live somewhere where they could hold hand with a little less terror of being judged and beaten. He wanted to live, as a human being who made mistakes and not an automaton. 

He wiped his tears with the back of Doyoung’ sweater he was currently wearing and got up from that spot in the living room. In less than twenty minutes Doyoung would’ve been home, and he didn’t want him to see him like that. He needed to distract himself, not let his mind travel in wrong places, so maybe some music playing in the background as he cooked would’ve been helpful. 

✯✯✯

The evening passed by quietly. Doyoung had come home safe, finding Taeyong busy at the cookers, humming and dancing to the rhythm of one of his favourite records. The younger didn’t see it coming and slightly jumped when Doyoung hugged him from behind, maybe, given the tense situation, that wasn’t the best idea Doyoung had ever had, but Taeyong couldn’t mind. He just wanted to feel him close, to make sure that he was there for real, and he wasn’t just one of the many mindless dreams he had. Taeyong had to make sure that Doyoung was his, he had to remind himself that he deserved the happiness he could bring him. And Doyoung felt that something was somehow wrong when Taeyong kissed him a little bit longer than the usual and then didn’t pull away but let his head rest on his shoulder. He didn’t say a word, tough, other than pointing that what was for dinner looked delicious. 

Seoul's sky was particularly pretty that evening, coloured with soft shades of pink and purple, painting their living room with the same tones. And that dinner passed as one of their old romantic indoor dates, far away from the world, and strangely, for the first time after many, the exhausting sense of suffocation wasn’t there. Maybe Taeyong still felt it, but not as much as that afternoon, when he was all by himself. 

Taeyong really didn’t want to ruin that perfect mood. The apparent calm they were surrounded with as they laid on their sofa, carelessly paying attention to the movie they had chosen to watch. They were more lost in each other's touch, Taeyong let himself relax as Doyoung spooned him, their hands intertwined, because they wanted and also because Taeyong had started to nervously bit his nails once again. In the years Doyoung learnt that telling him was useless, he would panic, his cheeks flushed, and then go back doing it once again. So the most efficient method was to grab his hands, play with them, hold them, caress them, anything that could divert Taeyong’s attention and also his nervousness. Not only he would stop bite them, but it would help his sense of anxiety, and Doyoung got to feel him closer, so everybody won with that. 

But they needed to talk. This was a point of no return, and Taeyong had to know if they wanted to travel the same road together forever or not. They needed to start over. They’re coming of age had come, they couldn’t just sit around and ignore the problems. Taeyong had never been firm on his choices, always walking on eggshells, with fear of crashing because the danger was near. But now, after all of these years in the industry, he had realized that he simply couldn’t get away from it. It was always around the corner, ready to attack, it lived in him. And he had to remind Doyoung that. He had to let him know all the feelings he had for him, and then let the decision in his hands. 

“I could never give you peace,” the blond mumbled, his words barely more than a whisper. Doyoung furrowed his eyebrows, he had heard what his boyfriend had said, but he couldn’t understand his point. 

“What do you mean?” he asked, moving a little so he could have a better look of the older’s face. 

Taeyong took a deep breath while his eyes were focused on their fingers playing together. “With my life, with who I am. And then your life, and who you are.” Doyoung wanted to roll his eyes to the sky, thinking he was going to witness Taeyong trying to break them apart once again, but something in the tranquillity of the other’s voice told him that this conversation wasn’t going there. 

“Sometimes I look at you, and just don’t feel enough. Not enough to cope for all the things that you had to stop doing for me, or the fears that I planted in your heart, or even the way I make your future so uncertain. I look at you and I see integrity, and it makes me feel small.” 

Doyoung stayed silent, as much as he loved Taeyong, he couldn’t deny that he was right. Their lives were totally different and pretending it wasn’t true would've been. And yes, sometimes it was hard to keep it up with Taeyong’s busy rhythm, sometimes things got bigger than what he could handle. But Doyoung knew that. Taeyong had made it clear since the start, and he knew by himself that dating a celebrity like him would’ve brought along a lot of hard times. Still, he could totally get why Taeyong always felt like a burden; he was insecure, he always believed that he wasn’t deserving of love, especially a sincere one that lead to a healthy relationship. 

“You think that I regret all these years together?” Doyoung asked when nothing else came out of Taeyong’s mouth. 

The other shook his head. “I don’t know, but I want you to know that I’m fully aware of how hard it has been for you too. And I’m glad for all the things you’ve done for me.” 

Doyoung smiled, then one of his hand travelled up to caress his hair. Yes, he knew Taeyong knew that. Taeyong had seen the most fragile and vulnerable sides of him, he had seen him fall apart in front of him so many times that sometimes he wondered why he never left. To strangers’ eyes, Doyoung was strong, always in control of everything, it looked like he always had his shit together, but it wasn’t like that at all. And Taeyong was the only one who ever seen him like that, the only one he had ever opened up to in such a real way. The times he cried because he was terrified of not being able to do well in his new business. The older wanted to spend more time next to him, but the worldwide tours didn’t give him the chance to be present in the way he really wanted. Or when jealousy and insecurity mixed up together, and Doyoung cried at night thinking that Taeyong could find somebody better than him every day; and some nights the blonde was there to roll around, hug him and love the insecurities away, but many others he wasn’t. 

“I’m sorry if I couldn’t always be there for you, but God, Doyoung,” he exhaled, squeezing his eyes to hold back the tears that were threatening to roll down his cheeks, “everybody thinks love’s for sure, but I would die for you in secret, any day, without thinking twice.” 

Doyoung’s heart skipped a beat, his head fell on top of his boyfriend’s shoulder as he held him tighter. 

“You know, right?” Taeyong asked, lifting his body to sit up with his back and look at Doyoung in the eyes. And in a fragment, he could see all of his vulnerability. Taeyong had always thought that Doyoung was like glass. Beautiful, transparent, resistant, but so, _so_ fragile, that one single needle could tear him into pieces. And he had seen him shattered many times. He just wanted to make sure that he knew he could always count on him, since most of the times it was always Doyoung worrying about everybody else, without taking care of himself. 

The younger hummed, following his actions. 

“You know that I’d swing with you for the fences, sit with you in the trenches. Give you my wild,” Taeyong stopped for a second, his hand moved to grab Doyoung’s one, and his head rolled back as he tried to hold back the tears, and then let out a giggle “I’d even give you a child if it was possible.”

Doyoung chuckled and smacked him playfully on the arm. 

“You know what I feel for you, the way I never felt so at ease with anybody else. You know how deep under my skin you got, how deeply you know every single inch of my soul. You know how much I cherish the way we don’t need words to understand each other, a glance is enough, silence is enough. I see your family as mine, your brother is my brother, and I couldn’t ask for anything better than that.” His tone was sincere, not that Doyoung ever doubted that, but something in his voice and in the way he was looking at him, made him feel a certain kind of way. And in that moment realization hit him like a truck, what they had was just above everything and everyone else, a rare gem only them could understand. And he was so grateful that fate, God, his ancestors, or whoever people wanted to believe held the strings of life, let them together. 

“I’d give you my sunshine, give you my best,” Taeyong said, now intertwining their fingers, and holding tighter. 

“Would it be enough if I could never give you peace?” a tingle of fragility in his voice. He was scared, no, terrified, Doyoung would say no and run away from him without thinking twice and looking back. He was so scared that Doyoung would've slipped out of his fingers that he unconsciously held even more than before. 

Doyoung didn’t answer, he threw himself in the other’s arms and kissed him, slowly at first, just to become more passionate. His hands running through his locks, pulling him closer. 

“Yes, Taeyong. It will be enough. You are enough. You will always be enough.” He mumbled once he pulled away, tears marking both of their faces. 

“I don’t regret one bit of what I had with you, I could never, Yongie,” he said, his hands still cupping the other’s face. “I want this, I want you, and all the mess you bring with you. I love _you_. I’m dating you, not them, and their poisoned words. I’m in this with you. Not with anybody else. I don’t care about what they say to you, they don’t even know a quarter of the amazing person that you are. I don’t care about what they say about me, their words don’t define me. Their hate doesn’t define our love and its validity.” 

This time is was Taeyong’s turn to stay silent and just lean in to make their lips touch again. 

And in the dawn of the night, they stayed like that for a while. Forehead to forehead as Seoul was busy outside; with her cars moving between traffic lights and her people getting drunk in downtown bars. They could feel the city’s vibration, but they couldn’t care much about the others. It was just them, lost in their own moment. 

Taeyong leaned in to kiss him again, and again. He needed Doyoung like he was his vital lymph. And he couldn’t care if he looked desperate, greedy and messy like a teenage boy during his first love story. He just wanted to feel. To feel alive, to feel real, to feel love. He couldn’t quite remember the last time they made love to each other. The last months had been a hell for so many different reasons, always busy, life moving so fast that the only time they had together he was either too tired or a quick thing was all they could get at. 

But now, the world had stopped. His castle crumbled overnight. They took the crown from him. He wasn’t sitting on his throne anymore. He had nowhere else to be, now. 

Now they had all the time they wanted to take things slow. To get lost in the smallest details of the other. Taeyong could kiss every small portion of Doyoung’ skin. He wanted to burn in his flames, feel the heat on his skin, and deep down in his soul. 

And right now that Doyoung’s hands were on him, modelling him like a sculptor, touching him like nobody else ever could, he was sure of one thing. He had made mistakes in his life, never learning much from them, but at least he had done one thing right. 

Now that Doyoung’s starry eyes looked at him as if he was the most precious jewel in the world, he understood that just that was enough to light up his darkest night. No, Taeyong didn’t know how to call that, it was just more than love at this point. Maybe they were soulmates. No, definitely they were, there was no other way they could be described as. And a smile crept on his face, as he let himself be lulled by the strange wave of happiness and safeness that hit him. 

Doyoung noticed that, and, stopping for a second, he raised his head to level his. “Why are you so happy, uh?” He asked with a smirk on his face. 

Taeyong shrugged. “Nothing, I was just thinking that I won at life.” 

“You won?” Doyoung raised an eyebrow, his left arm was resting at the side of Taeyong's face supporting his weight so he wouldn’t fall on his naked boyfriend. 

Taeyong hummed, his "dumb" smile never leaving his face. And Doyoung was so glad that the same old Taeyong seemed to be back, at least for now. He knew that the road to healing would’ve been long, but now, Taeyong had stars in his eyes, and that was the only thing he wanted to see. 

“If I tell you that I think we’re soulmates in the middle of a lovemaking session will you run away?” Taeyong giggled as soon as he saw Doyoung roll his eyes. 

“I can’t believe I want to spend the rest of my life with you,” Doyoung responded, but his hands were once again busy working on the other’s body, somehow pulling him even closer to his. 

“You want to spend the rest of your life with me?” Taeyong asked with a genuinely surprised look on his face, that disappeared as soon as Doyoung’s hands touched places that made him see stars. His lips opening, letting out beautiful moans that Doyoung suppressed with a kiss. 

“Isn’t that what soulmates do?” Doyoung asked him, leaving a trail of kisses over his neck, down to his collarbone, and all over his chest. 

And Taeyong wanted to say something rational, a small part of him even cry for the joy he was feeling after so many time, but he was already putty in Doyoung’s fingers, overwhelmed by too many emotions. But once again, words were superfluous between them. 

And as they became one in the night, burning in the heat of their love, they both had the confirmation that it would’ve been enough. Because at the end of the day, even if the devil’s in the details, they had a friend in each other.

And somehow, that was the only thing that mattered. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. ♥  
> I hope you liked it because I personally loved writing this so much. If you want, let me know what you think, comments are always well accepted and motivate a lot.  
> Also, I'm planning on making a part two based on another song, but I don't know when I'll have the time to actually do it. 
> 
> You can also find me on [Tumblr.](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/winestainedress-universe)


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